April 8th 2013 at 2:42pm marked our life forever. I gave birth to my first born baby boy, although it was not at all what I expected. My husband and I woke up on a Sunday morning excited to go see our baby boy for our ultrasound. When we arrived, they said that Jeremiah was positioned in way that he could not be seen. I noticed that the ultrasound tech was a little nervous, causing me to be nervous. We left the ultrasound place and I knew something was not right, I called them when we left and she said that it was best for me to call my doctor.
I ended up at labor and delivery, where I had multiple nurses come and check for Jeremiah's heartbeat. The Doctor later showed up and gave us the most horrific news any parent could hear. "I'm sorry we can not find a heartbeat" Our hearts shattered within seconds, within a blink of an eye, I was completely broken.
Why? Why me? Why must I loose my baby? They gave us time to call our loved ones and later came back to tell me that I would be induced and had to go through natural labor. At this point, I was numb to any type of pain, I didn't care what I had to go through. I was induced at 5:00pm on Sunday April 7th 2013. Throughout my labor I began to get an infection, I had a high fever that would not reduce, all I remember is having ice packs on my body and me shivering because I was so cold. I remember waking up and seeing Doctors surround my bed, apparently I had an allergic reaction to one of the medications and they were trying to flush it out.
I remember just laying there not carrying about anything, I had lost half of heart, I was careless. By 2:30pm on Monday I began to push, I gave birth to a beautiful angel. He was absolutely perfect, tiny, but perfect. Jeremiah weighed 375 grams and was 10.25 inches long. That same day, my phone was going crazy, I had no idea why. My husband looked at my phone and said "look" turns out Ellen Degeneres had re posted a picture of my belly on her instagram. How crazy, the day I gave birth to my angel, my favorite talk host re-posts my picture.
It was there that I knew I was completely numb to any type of emotion. I couldn't even laugh or cry. We were able to keep Jeremiah with us the whole day, we could not stop kissing him, hugging him, smelling him, staring at him. I wanted time to stop, I didn't want to keep going in life without my son. My husband and I knew that we had to let him go, his body was losing his warmth. How could this be? How could my husband and I just get to experience only a few hours with our son, to think that those would be the only hours crushed me even more.
I promise you that no pain compares to us handing our angel to the nurse, knowing we will not see him until we meet again. I would give anything to relive these last moments that we spent with him, I wish I could rewind and take more pictures. I cant deny that I was mad, I cant deny that I'm still numb to pain, and I cant deny that I live with a broken heart. But giving birth to an angel has shown my husband and I so much. Jeremiah has never failed to show us signs, how ironic that in the bible Jeremiah 29;11 reads, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and to not harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and fin me when you seek me with all your heart."
God is good all the time, and I really don't know why he chose us to become angel parents. One thing I do know is that Jeremiah along with our man up above have strengthened our marriage, our faith, showed us that every storm has a rainbow. That its not about walking passed the storm but learning to dance in it. They have changed the way we see life and live life. I promise you that no pain compares to losing your child. There are many of us who would do anything to hug our children good night, kiss them, or simply just see their smile. Instead we get beyond excited with the signs our angels leave us. No parent deserves to leave the hospital empty handed and sign a death certificate.
There is one thing one that I'm sure of, not many people are blessed to meet their guardian angel, We got to hold ours! To all my angel mommies, remember that God chose you to give birth to an angel. My husband and I are standing stronger than ever and we owe this to our angel. Jeremiah, we promised that your name would live forever, PROMISE KEPT! I'm trying to keep it together as I type this, and trust me it's hard. Fly High baby boy!! Meet Jeremiah Mattix Trejo...