I sit here and watch our little man Jacob work so hard on the mats. So many things run through my mind, from how fast he is growing up, to how much he has accomplished, to the struggles he has faced in life. I came into his life when he was about 5 years old and now he is going onto 11. I love children, so bonding with him came so easy and natural. I've always wanted to be a mommy, and being a preschool teacher made me want it even more, never did I know how difficult it would be to even become a mom. But being Jacobs step mommy, only taught me how to be a mom.
I love being a step mommy, despise all the struggles and obstacles I have had to learn to overcome. Seeing Jacob grow, seeing his smile, and just seeing him succeed in life brings joy to my life. It's crazy how life works, I fell in love with my husband as well as his son. Those were never in my plans. But like I've said before, we can plan our life all we want, but our life has already been written.
I became a mom with out giving birth to a child, many would probably think how could I even become a mother but coming from a child development major helped me a lot, I honestly never knew how much education would help me become a better role model. I say role model because although I am here as a mother role figure, I am not here to take anyone's role. I am here to help Jacob learn right from wrong, teach him respect, help him with his homework or school projects, teach him to scrub his dirty white socks when he walks outside with them and simply just answer all his curious thoughts. I do things for him out of love, to better him in life, just like any parent would do, but without the title. I will never forget the words of a fellow angel mom, “How do you do it, being a step mom and getting through life without your two boys?” She’s completely right, how do I do it? How do I get through life knowing that I take care of a child who isn’t my blood, how do I get through the day knowing my boys are in my house, yet it’s their ashes! These are questions I have no answers, because I don’t know, I don't know how I've managed, the only thing I know is that I've never given up on my faith and my boys. I guess that's what keeps me strong.
As I sit here and watch Jacob fight his heart out, I can't help but to be proud, and being the emotional woman that I am, it brings me to tears. Tears of joy of course. When we decided to sign up Jacob for Jiu Jitsu I had put my thoughts together. I know that losing his brothers was hard for him, because he wants a brother so badly. I know the pain, because just as much as he wanted his brothers here with him, I wanted to give him that honor. I knew that Jiu Jitsu would help him in so many ways, from letting out frustration to keeping his mind busy. I’m so proud of how far he has come, he wouldn't be at Jiu Jitsu if I didn't bring him, he would have never discovered his love for this sport if it wasn't for the support my husband and family give him. I love sitting there just watching him, he is a natural on the mats. I love to see him struggle to learn a new move because I see him learn, I see him try and sweat excessively until he gets the move down. He amazes me on how much he accomplishes, he is only able to come on the weeks he is with us and has learned and gained so much knowledge in this sport. His hard work and dedication is what keeps me going, I can't deny that there has been times where I just want to give up. I can’t deny that there would be days while I was pregnant that I would rather just go home and sleep. Its little things like this that make us realize the sacrifices that mothers do for their children. They are willing to do anything to see their children smile.
Jiu jitsu has brought so many bonds between him and I that I wish I could do this every day. Our car rides are the best, it never fails that we sing our hearts out, dance with our shoulders, talk about how awesome the sun is and how he wishes there were special suits made to to visit the sun or simply his simple curious questions about college, and his plans for his future. I’ve been able to experience learning his addition facts to multiplication and now division. Making flash cards, buying work books, and making chore charts. From him wearing size 11 shoes, to 3 and now sharing shoes with me! All of this allows me to appreciate my role, take pride in my role, adore my role as a step mommy. I wouldn't change it for the world, my love for him and his daddy over powers any of the struggles I have faced.
Jacob, this song is for you,
"I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
And each road leads you where you wanna go,
And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
And if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile.
But more than anything, more than anything
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish." -Rascal Flatts
To all my step mommy's out there, I salute you! It takes a lot from a woman to step up to the plate, love and nurture a child who is not yours. It takes a lot to put their needs before yours, to know when you're the trainer in life, the leading lady, or simply just the audience. To know that at times you will have to live life behind the scenes but always remember, our children wouldn't be where they are now without us. If you ever feel discouraged look at those children, and take pride in knowing that you've made it through all the obstacles in life, and yet you've managed to make a change, make difference in a child’s life as well. You are one of the most unselfish people out there...Stand strong!
Stay tuned, our little man will be writing the next blog =)