Happy Blogiversary to me…Cant believe its been two years since I went public with my journey. And to be honest, I never thought I would receive so much feedback. My only intentions were to be that little reminder to all my angel mommies that they are not alone. That we are not all dancing in the rain alone, and that there really is a rainbow at the end of the storm. I know thats exactly what I looked for when I was walking through this journey. I’m beyond happy to know that there are many mommies out there that can relate to my journey and use my life experiences as motivation or simply just hope.
I left you all with the ugly news my doctors had given me. The words I will never forget, the words that were left imprinted in my heart. I walked out of that damn hospital feeling crushed, but why would I expect any different, I hated that place! And once again, this gave me more of a reason to strongly dislike that place even more. Jacob and I cried, and cried and cried some more. Those drives home felt so familiar and I just hated that feeling. Leaving that hospital was always a heart break, leaving without my boys, leaving the ER after my miscarriages, and just receiving devastating news. The next morning we were there once again, this time with the infertility department. Ugh, and of course they gave us no hope, I mean where were we suppose to get $80k dollars to cover surrogacy. While driving home I reminded Jacob of a conversation we had when we first started dating. I had mentioned to him that I had always wanted to adopt and I thought that maybe this was the time. At first I was hesitant, I didn’t think he would be for it as he was so determined for us to have children. Yet, he has never failed to support me in all decisions, and I could not be happier that we would now start the process of adoption.
We immediately began to research and found the company that we would want to work with. We dedicated our Thursday nights to Fost/Adopt classes and loved every minute of them. It opened up our eyes to so much that just motivated us even more to what we had to look forward to. With adoption came lots of money saving, if we wanted to adopt we needed to purchase a home. We were now occupied with classes and shopping for our home, I can’t deny that it was super stressful. Everything on the market was super expensive and not to mention the houses needed an insane amount of work. With our adoption process we needed something that was at least ready for us to move in with little to no work to be put in. I’m pretty sure our realtor hated us lol. Eventually we found a home about 5 months into home shopping, definitely not our dream home but perfect for our little family, and something we could afford. I remember being on vacation in Cancun and being on the phone with my realtor, emailing and just dealing with closing Docs. I can’t even say that it was a vacation because I was stressing with everything. We finally closed escrow, and got the keys to our home. On July 28, 2015 we became official home owners. We told little Jacob we were going on a play dog date as we parked in front of our garage and waited for our realtor. When she arrived and opened up the garage, she told Jacob to open up HIS patio door, the look on his face was priceless. He walked to the garage and began to cry. It was in that moment that all the hard work, stress and budgeting paid off. I may not be his real mom, nor will we ever share the same blood, but just seeing how emotional he was made me emotional. His happiness made that day so much more special.
We moved in August 8th, and till this day have not remodeled to what I would love my house to look like lol. The home owner life is no joke, but we were excited to finish our adoption classes, pass our home inspection and bring our baby home. Our months flew by us, and before we knew it, it was already the end of the year. We were almost finished with our classes and were getting ready to prepare for our home inspection. On December 28th, I received the phone call that everyone dreads. My grandpa had passed away in Mexicali. Deaths are hard as it is but sudden deaths are even harder not to mention it was a depressing way to end our year.
I remember at my grandpa’s funeral, I had a moment. I had a moment while seeing all my family together, all my cousins with their children, my family united as one. All my family sings, and are musically talented, I wanted the same for my children, but would that even happen since I wouldn’t have children that were my blood. Were Gods plans for me to be a step mom and an adoptive mommy? It was there that I decided to leave EVERYTHING I mean EVERYTHING in Gods hands. I had made my mind that this coming year I would not listen to the doctors words and allow Gods will to be done. This was scary for me, as I know that my chances of having my own children and a full term pregnancy were very low according to the doctors. But something told me that I needed to leave it Gods hands. Before all this on Halloween I received a phone call from an old church friend, who is seriously God sent and pulled me closer to God. She called me and asked if I was pregnant, of course I wasn’t and I told her that I couldn’t that I was done. She told me to not stop trying that she had a dream that I was pregnant with a healthy baby girl. Of course it brought excitement to my ears and I cried on my way home, because I was torn. I didn’t know if that was a sign for me to not stop trying or if God was going to grant me the honor of adopting a baby girl. She asked for us to meet up so that she can pray over me. At that time I had pulled away from assisting church. I had never lost my faith but I had just not found somewhere that I felt had filled my heart. I took up her offer and we later met up for prayer.
January 3rd 2016, Jacob and I decided that we would start the year off by going to church. We slept in and of course missed church but something told me to check times for a church that was down the street from our house. There was service at 11 a.m. and decided to go there for that Sunday. The word was amazing, and was everything I needed to hear. It said that God wanted us to take a leap of faith and trust him, for us to do our part and God would do his. I cried and I prayed that I was surrendering to his will. That I was leaving everything in his hands and that I wanted to try and conceive again if that was in his plans for me. Words cannot express the feeling I felt while I was praying. It’s truly indescribable. I walked out feeling light as a feather, like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders, I felt free. Jacob asked if I liked the service and if we’re going to come back. Of course I said YES!
On January 5th I noticed that I was late on my period. I figured it was due to my grandpas passing and just my emotional stress. Jacob was getting Mila’s hormones tested as we were trying to breed her, so I decided to take a pregnancy test that I had laying around because I wanted to get that off my mind. Within seconds two BRIGHT lines appeared which meant PREGNANT! I was in complete shock, shaking and crying and just scared. I didn’t want to go through everything all over again. I texted Jacob and of course called my friend who had the dream about me. She immediately stopped what she was doing and we began to pray. I could not believe that just two days prior to it all I had asked God for this.
I saw a high risk doctor and changed the hospital where I had my boys. At my first consultation, it was exactly what I expected, the doctor giving me little to no hope. I called my friend as she asked me to keep her updated with everything, and she reassured me that our God is not a liar and that he is faithful. That we must have faith and trust his word. That’s exactly what I did, I refused to believe the doctors, I refused to take any meds they asked me to and just trusted our God.
The following Wednesday I decided to go to the church’s woman’s group. The leader came up and spoke to us about Gods promise and how faithful he is. She kept on repeating how this year we needed to expect a miracle, and that’s exactly what I was expecting. During the same week, we went to Sunday service, the word was great and before leaving the pastor said that he needed to do something that was put in his heart to do. He felt that the holy spirit had told him that he needed to do this before closing our service. After tithes, he came up and said, that something tells him that someone needs healing! That if the doctors had diagnosed you with any type of disorder or have given you no hope to stand up for prayer. In tears I stood up! I knew and felt Gods presence, I knew that everything was going to be ok.
In February I once again received horrible news, my grandpa who had raised me for the first three years of my life was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. I was so torn and did not even know how to react because I was so scared of showing any type of emotion and it causing me to go into labor or stress my baby. On April 23rd my tata lost his battle to cancer, I was distraught and never had the chance to grieve. I was determined to to stay strong not only for my baby girl, but for my mom and my nana. I could not stand seeing them so broken, they were the woman who taught me to be strong and held me up at my lowest points. Till this day I don't think I have fully grieved my tats loss, however there are times that I feel as if Im just numb to all this loss. I know my tata is now pain free, with my boys and watching over my little princess.
Although losing my tata while being pregnant was devastating, praying and church helped me so much. I cannot express how much of a difference my journey has been ever since I stepped foot into that church, and how much I have grown. I cannot express how much my faith has grown and how much of a difference it has made in my life. Throughout my entire pregnancy my husband and I would pray together, and I can’t explain how much closer that brought us. God is amazing and every day I realize that more and more.
I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES!
Thanks to God, I gave birth to a healthy baby girl. We prayed for a healthy full term pregnancy and that’s exactly what I got.
Selena Faith Trejo was born one day before her due date,
9/10/16 weighing 7 pounds 9 ounces, 20.5 inches long.
NEVER LOSE FAITH, we serve a promising God!
I leave you with this,
“…Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe you receive them, and you will have them.” Mark 11:24